I sit huddled in the corner chair trying to make myself as small as possible. I really don’t want anyone to notice me. Names being called out in a circle-“Hi, my name is….”-names and rules of the circle too. So many girls and everywhere I look they’re just like me. Different sizes, different shapes, different ages-talking perfectionism, loss of control, the depression that comes with giving up your addiction. I nod my head as does the girl next to me. Yes, yes, we know, we understand, we’ve been there too. A circle is formed in more than one way. There’s a bond whether I talk or not. Same journey, different paths and one of two outcomes. And now’s the time when I have to decide what my outcome will be.
October 25, 2007 Journal Entry of Misty Layne
2007 was the year of my relapse. 2007 was the year I had to finally decide whether I wanted to live or die. 2007 was the year of circles, so many different groups, so many different people and me.
Hi, I’m Misty and I’ve been in recovery since I made my decision in 2007. I’m 30 now and I’ve been eating disordered since the age of 11, so me and ED go way, way back. You know how it is with ED. It starts off slow, just a simple little game here or there and then it escalates until you can’t remember a time when you and ED were apart. Those definitely weren’t the days.
Mostly they were filled with anxiety and fear. Maybe you’ve been there. Maybe you know someone who has. Either way you’re here for a reason and whatever that reason is, I’m here to help.
I was angry for a long time. Why me? What triggered this in me and why did I go through hell? It was only recently, in the past couple of years that I finally came to the conclusion that the reason I went there is so you won’t. Maybe I’m here now to change a few lives, much like Melissa is doing. I’m here because I want to TALK about it. And by being part of the Someday Melissa team, I CAN make a difference, small or large. I can make an impact and most importantly, I can finally talk to people.
Because that’s a point of contention with me, the lack of talking. People want to hide behind their disorders and other people want to hide behind their lack of knowledge on the subject. I want that to change. I want a world where people talk to each other and are honest about what’s going on. I want a world where we don’t define ourselves by others’ standards. I want YOU to talk to ME. Talk to others, just talk. Everything comes full circle and I think it’s time ED got his due. Don’t you?