That’s how I like to remember her.

There was total silence for half a minute before the lights were turned on. I was grateful for those 30 seconds that would allow the audience time to catch their breath. As the lights came on, I walked to the front of the theater. I knew from past screenings that there would be a lot of questions, but they wouldn’t come for a few minutes. So I began to speak. I told them that I understood the impact that Melissa’s story, my family’s story, is having on audiences. Jeff Cobelli, the remarkable young man who directed the film was standing beside me and I told them how the idea for making the film was born and how we met.

I told them about the impact that Someday Melissa is having on the world of eating disorders. About the emails I get from around the world: from Germany, England, Australia, Chile and more. From across the country. From people who had been struggling in silence but Melissa’s story finally gave them the courage to tell someone. From others who finally admitted they had a problem and reached out for help. And from others who were inspired by Melissa’s dreams of “Someday…” and how her story had given them encouragement and the determination to keep fighting. Given them hope.  I told them about the messages of recovery.  From people who continue to write to tell me of their recovery and the healthy lives they’re living that they never dreamed possible.

The first hand tentatively went up and then others followed, one after another. What advice would I give other parents at the start of the journey? How can we get the message into schools? Why are eating disorders so difficult to treat? I was asked what the process of making the film was like for me and Jeff was asked what it was like to film such emotional interviews. The questions continued.  I told them to download the Parent, Educator, Coach & Athletic Trainer Toolkits that have been developed by the National Eating Disorders Association and give copies to their children’s teachers, guidance counselors and coaches.

There were several therapists in the audience who treat eating disorders. I deferred to their expertise in responding to some of the questions since I make it clear that I’m a mom, not a professional. One of the most powerful moments, echoed by others, was when one therapist expressed her gratitude that Someday Melissa is a documentary about bulimia, because most films are about anorexia and people don’t understand how deadly bulimia is.

It had to be about bulimia.

That was Melissa’s story.

~ Judy

Yesterday morning, a Google Alert led me to a powerful article written by her father, Mark Baldwin, Editor of The Republic in Columbus, IN.

~ Judy

Reprinted with permission:

Openness about eating disorders overdue.

Although we don’t exactly shout it from the rooftop, my family never has hidden the experience of our middle daughter’s struggle with anorexia nervosa, the eating disorder that leads some people — and especially smart and pretty young women — to starve themselves.

Very often, the conversation produces a flash of understanding.

There was the baseball executive. The City Council member back in Wisconsin. The fellow parishioner. The neighbor. The casual professional acquaintance.

All had firsthand experiences with eating disorders.

Surprised? You shouldn’t be.

After all, the theme of National Eating Disorders Awareness Week, to be held Feb. 26 to March 3, is “Everybody Knows Somebody.”

Lynn Grefe, president of the National Eating Disorders Association, pegs the number of Americans battling a form of the illness — anorexia or one of its evil cousins, bulimia or binge eating disorder — at 24 million, a figure that dwarfs the number of those suffering from, for example, Alzheimer’s disease, estimated at about 5.4 million in 2011.

Some estimates put the eating disorders number as high as 30 million.

“The piece that’s missing is ‘eating disorders not otherwise specified,’” Grefe says. “That’s probably where most people are.”

To put it simply, that means sufferers are prone to bouncing pinball-fashion from anorexia to bingeing to bulimia.

Here’s one more fact to make you shiver: The mortality rate for eating disorders is higher than for any other mental illness, with death typically resulting from medical complications or suicide. And anorexic patients remain at higher risk for premature death for years after treatment.

One key to reducing the awful toll is to raise public awareness. Ignorance of eating disorders, their warning signs and their long-term effects is widespread. Teachers, coaches, physicians and plenty of others who ought to know, don’t

And that brings me to Daughter No. 3, a clever and articulate lass named Jane, who was required by circumstances beyond her control to transfer to Columbus North High School before her senior year. With the change of schools, of course, came the requirement that she produce a senior project.

Almost on the fly, Jane decided to draw a positive result from the experience of her sister’s illness and make eating disorder awareness the focus of her project.

One result of her work will be on display at 6:30 p.m. Feb. 16 at Bartholomew County Public Library, where Jane will screen a documentary called “Someday Melissa,” the story of Melissa Avrin, a New Jersey woman who died three years ago at 19 after a grueling battle with bulimia. The movie was produced by Melissa’s mom, who resolved to make something good come out of her daughter’s death.

The documentary will be followed by a question-and-answer session with a representative of the Coalition for Overcoming Problem Eating at Indiana University in Bloomington.

I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised by Jane’s choice of topic. The two sisters are best friends — except, of course, when they’re mortal enemies. They’re very different, but their bond is unbreakable.

Her sister’s ordeal has been a significant influence on Jane’s teenage years. Like alcoholism, eating disorders distort family routines nearly beyond recognition as the illness exerts a centripetal force that draws all things to it.

Life in a household struggling with an eating disorder can be isolating. After all, who else understands that for the sufferer, “dinner” can be a few strands of chicken breast and a lettuce leaf?

Let me rephrase that. It was isolating — until it became clear just how many families out there have dealt with the same thing.

That’s why I’m writing today. If an eating disorder has wrapped itself around someone you love — or if you simply want to learn more — head to the library on the 16th.

A six-week hospital stay provided Daughter No. 2 some valuable tools for coping with her illness, though eating remains a high-anxiety endeavor. A sharp, sympathetic therapist in Bloomington has made a difference. Still, you can’t wave a magic wand to make an eating disorder vanish.

If you know what I mean, we should talk.

Mark Baldwin is editor of The Republic. Reach him at 379-5665 or by email at mbaldwin@therepublic.com. Follow him on Twitter @MarkFBaldwin.

The article can also be found on: The Republic’s website

Changing Lives Together

The first time I read about Melissa’s story, something rang out inside of me. Our stories were similar. I knew the phrase “Someday…” so well. My journal had pages of my own personal “Someday” goals and aspirations. The most recent “Someday” I had written in my journal was: “Someday, I’ll be a survivor. Someday, I’ll overcome.”

At the time I first read Melissa’s story, I was sitting in a residential treatment facility. I was being treated for co-occurring illnesses. I had been diagnosed with bulimia, depression and anxiety. All of which had become debilitating; All of which I had suffered with for years. It was on day 13 of my 28 day treatment stay that I stumbled upon the Someday Melissa website. I was so close to giving up treatment at this point, feeling like I was never going to get better. But then I read her story and my eyes filled with tears. I understood her. She understood me.

It was in that tear-filled moment that I realized I shared Melissa’s dreams. I, too, wanted to change lives. While not with movies, but with writing.

I had begun writing a book about my life, my struggles, trials, treatments and the hope that I had found through out the years of my seeking recovery. I had given up on the idea of ever being someone who could make a difference and had stopped writing- until that night. I realized that I had a chance to make a difference. Melissa’s story is changing lives, and mine could too.

I picked up and continued writing my book, which is entitled “The Girl Inside” (set to debut in late 2012). I determined that I would use my journey to recovery to reach out and touch other people’s lives. I have become an advocate for mental health awareness. I want people to know there is hope, healing and that they can become survivors.

Staring at Melissa’s picture that lonely night in my hospital room changed my life. It made me realize I have to make a difference. I have to help save other lives. I have to join the Someday Melissa team in the journey of advocating awareness. Melissa has inspired me to step up, have confidence in myself, continue on in my recovery and share my story.

Thank you, Melissa. Your story has both saved and changed my life. Hopefully we can change many more lives together.

Lindsay Ensor

The prior year, at the start of 8th grade, Melissa began struggling with severe constipation. Her pediatrician prescribed laxatives and later sent her for an ultrasound, then referred us to a gastroenterologist who prescribed different laxatives. The problems continued. What I didn’t know, and I suspect most parents don’t understand, is that if the food isn’t going in, or if it goes in and comes out, the digestive system can’t function normally. It seems so simple in retrospect, but I had much to learn.

Although I didn’t yet know it, Melissa had been actively bulimic for a long time. Never overweight, she had gained a few pounds the year before; the weight gain I later learned that is normal and necessary for healthy development of the reproductive system. She told me years later that it was at camp the summer she was 13 that she began struggling with body image issues as the girls changed clothes in front of each other, compared their bodies and talked about boys. She decided to lose a few pounds.

Having struggled with self esteem and body image issues my entire life, I had always been careful never to comment on her weight and was secretly pleased when she started exercising more and making healthier food choices. What started innocently, with Melissa’s desire to lose a few pounds, rapidly turned into an active eating disorder behind our backs.

It was a long time before the signs of Melissa’s eating disorder became impossible to explain away or ignore. Of course in retrospect, they seem more like flashing neon warning signs that should have set off alarms. But why didn’t they?

What makes it so difficult for us as parents to see what’s happening in front of our eyes?

Adolescence by its very nature is a time filled with change. Beginning stages of disordered eating can be confused with “normal” adolescent behavior and early symptoms are easily explained away. Doctors and pediatricians often overlook the signs as well. People with eating disorders become incredibly skilled at hiding the behaviors and lying about them.

What does someone with an eating disorder actually look like? To many people, the image of a person with an eating disorder is someone who appears dangerously anorexic. But eating disorders come in many forms, with many disguises, and I later learned that bulimics are often within normal weight ranges or may even be overweight. Melissa had bulimia.

Then there is the shame. Eating disorders are considered shameful and parents don’t want to believe their child has one. However, the longer eating disorder behaviors continue, the more entrenched those behaviors become. Early detection and treatment dramatically improve recovery rates.

Although we ultimately did everything we could to help Melissa beat ED, using all the information, understanding and resources available to us, I have to live every day with the knowledge that critical time was lost in getting her into treatment. I have made it my mission to speak out and help raise parental awareness so other families don’t have to endure the devastating loss of their child.

The National Eating Disorders Association has developed a wonderful Parent Toolkit that provides valuable information. Read it. Educate yourself. Don’t close your eyes. Yes, it CAN happen to your child.

~ Judy

It was that time of year again, the time of final exams. I was helping a friend administer the final for her class, a large introductory media course that I had also taught a few years prior. As a seasoned part-time lecturer on a college campus, I knew the drill well: pass out exams, look for people possibly cheating and clarify the test questions.

This time I had something else on my mind as I strolled around the lecture hall. I was thinking about a person that I have never met. A person that never had the chance to sit in a classroom like this. A person that was gone from this earth all too quickly. I was thinking about Melissa. She could have easily been one of these students, who were mostly sophomores or juniors. A student sure of their future or trying to find their place on campus or in life. What classes would she have enjoyed? How would she have made her mark?

I wondered if any of these students were suffering in silence. I wondered if any of these students had a roommate, a friend, a family member with an eating disorder. I wondered how many could be helped by hearing Melissa’s story.

As I scanned across the classroom, I began to see Melissa in the students. A person that I never had the opportunity to meet, but whose life lives on. I thought about all who struggle with ED but make it through another day because of Melissa. I thought about all those who have seen the film and said “this is my story too.” I thought about the impact that Judy has made by speaking out about this disease that is silenced too often.

Melissa never had the opportunity to be in a class like this, but her spirit is in everything that we do at Someday Melissa. She has touched countless lives, even those who have not yet heard her story. After hearing about Melissa, you will see her face and hear her story in others. I know that I do.

~ Elizabeth

Such a simple question for a situation that had become so overwhelming over a couple of months. I’d had bouts of depression in the past, but never as lingering or as complex as the one that I had been experiencing that year. At the time I was working for a mental health non-profit and knew all the signs and symptoms of depression from memory: persistent sadness, loss of interest in activities, fatigue (among others). In my mind, I was already diagnosed before my first therapy session was even scheduled. I spent the next 55 minutes spilling out every emotion, every mood that I had been experiencing. I was a textbook case of major depressive disorder.
Or so I thought.

I was also diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder along with major depressive disorder. Comorbidity, or the presence of one or more disease in an individual, is extremely common with physical and mental illnesses. In a 12-month period, 5-9% of adults have comorbid depression and anxiety. Although I was also educated about the symptoms of anxiety, in my mind I didn’t “fit” the diagnosis because I only saw my symptoms of depression. Without even realizing it, I was also relaying my symptoms of anxiety to my therapist: restlessness, irritability and constant worrying. In order to get help for my depression, I also had to seek treatment for my anxiety.
Just as anxiety and depression can be comorbid, eating disorders and mood or anxiety disorders can often go hand-in-hand as well. While not widely discussed, the statistics are eye-opening:

• 80% of people suffering from bulimia have also suffered from an anxiety disorder.
• Both anxiety and depression are frequent comordid conditions among those suffering from anorexia.
• In a 2008 study, 24% of bipolar patients met the criteria for eating disorders.
• As many as 50% of patients diagnosed with binge eating disorder also have a history of depression.(Source: Psychology Today and WebMD)

These numbers emphasize that treating eating disorders can be complicated, but that it is important to treat the comorbidity as a whole-body approach. Armed with my own diagnosis, treatment and education about comorbid depression and anxiety, I have learned a great deal about comorbidity and eating disorders since joining the Someday Melissa team. So often in discussions of treatment for ED there is an emphasis on treating the underlying causes of ED, but not often are depression and anxiety highlighted as accompanying the ED. Let’s break the stigma and bring all of these issues out in the open.

~ Elizabeth

There was a long article in today’s New York Times about Chelsea’s decision to begin leading a more public life and the process she went through in making the decision. Chelsea Clinton Living up to the Family Name. I hope she doesn’t mind that I’m referring to her by her first name.  I feel like I know her, which I’m sure is one of the difficulties when growing up in the public eye.

Chelsea was 12 years old when her father was elected president. It’s difficult to be on the brink of adolescence and harder still to be the new kid in town.   I know.  I remember well what’s it’s like to be 12 and starting a new school.  My family moved from Ann Arbor, MI to a small town in upstate New York when I was that age. It was rough moving to a town where it seemed everyone was related to each other or had grown up together.  I thought I’d never fit in.  I can’t imagine what it was like for Chelsea.

I admired how her parents kept her out of the spotlight as much as possible.  I watched her grow up under the glare of public scrutiny. Politics aside, my mother and I often discussed how much we admired her parents for trying to create as normal a childhood as possible, given the circumstances.  Chelsea has grown up to be an educated, articulate, socially active young woman.  Most of her work, however, has been done quietly, on the sidelines.  I respect that.  She needed to find her place in the world.

She has decided that the time is right for her to take a more public role and will be joining NBC as a special correspondent on their new series, “Making a Difference”.   She was quoted as saying “My parents taught me to approach the world critically, but also to approach it with a sense of responsibility.”

Why am I writing about Chelsea Clinton?  It seems that as she was struggling to figure out how to add a public element to her life, she discussed things with her grandmother, as she always had. As I continued reading, curled up on the sofa with a steaming cup of coffee in one hand, I stopped short when I read the following advice her grandmother had given her:  ”… life is not about what happens to you, but what you do with what happens to you.”

Melissa’s death, followed a month later by the loss of my mother, nearly crushed me.  Life  happened to me.  However, something gave me the strength to share Melissa’s story.  To fulfill her dream to “.. make a movie that will change lives” and make a difference in the fight against eating disorders.

My mother and both of my grandmothers were extraordinary women.  I think they would have had a lot in common with Chelsea’s grandmother.

Acceptance Into the 2012 California Independent Film Festival

I slowly clicked on the email, not really believing what I was reading.  It was real.

Dear Ms Judy Avrin,

Congratulations!

Your documentary film, Someday Melissa:the story of an eating disorder, loss and hope, has received early acceptance into the 2012 California Independent Film Festival (CAIFF).

I began shaking uncontrollably.  Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. I kept repeating it out loud.  I couldn’t believe it.  I knew the first two people I had to call were Danna Markson and Jeff Cobelli who made the film a reality.  I GOT BOTH OF THEIR VOICEMAILS!!! I tried texting and kept calling.  Danna finally called about 15 minutes later, Jeff shortly after, and I shared the amazing news.  To say we were excited is the understatement of the year.

We knew how positive the feedback was, but to receive acknowledgement on this level was amazing.  Better still, the festival is February 10 – 16, 2012, just a few weeks before NEDAwareness Week and the NEDA sponsored NYC premier of Someday Melissa on February 28^th.   Having Someday Melissa as a selection in the festival will provide a forum for sharing information and awareness about eating disorders to the festival community – messages that they will take back to their own communities.

The following day, I had a long planned visit with a friend of Melissa’s at a nearby park.  Although they had met in treatment out of state, she lived nearby and the girls had stayed connected.  It was a warm autumn day, and as we walked around the lake, we shared memories of Melissa.  She said how incredibly funny and inspiring she was.  How they could talk to each other honestly and openly about their body image issues and the savageness of ED.  She told me how they shared their dreams about the future, beating ED and how they would make a movie together one day.

Several months before Melissa died they were extras in a movie starring Sarah Jessica Parker that was filming in NY.  I remember dropping Melissa off at 5:00 AM so they could catch the bus into the city.  When she came home that night she was exhausted but so excited about having been a part of it.  The film was released the same week as what should have been Melissa’s 20^th birthday.  I’ve never seen the movie but her friend told me the entire scene was cut.

As I reflected on the weekend’s events, I kept thinking about the film festival and the one person I wanted to share the news with.  Melissa.

“I am a 22 year old college student and I have struggled with bulimia all my life. This story has inspired me, and certainly made me seek out the help I have needed desperately to get well.”   “The story was genuine and listening to the family describe Melissa’s life was heartbreaking. I think it should definitely be available for others to see especially those currently suffering.”

“I know this film will make a difference. Parents and society in general know so little about these kinds of disorders! Discussion is much needed so we can all understand… so we can prevent and fight eating disorders. I’m in Chile -so far away from you – and yet your message reached me, as it will reach all kinds of people around the world. Thanks for doing this.”

“My mother and I watched the film together yesterday, it sparked many questions about my eating disorder from my mother. It also allowed her to learn a little bit more about eating disorders. My father said this movie is a great outlet for families and friends to talk with sufferers of eating disorders. With “Someday Melissa” they understand a bit more what an eating disorder is, so when the movie is over they have questions for the sufferer.’” She was inspired to create her own “Someday..”

“My best friend suffered from an eating disorder, and is still in the process of recovery. Everyday is a struggle, but things are definitely getting much better for her, and Someday Melissa helped me to understand maybe what’s going on in her head more. I just want you to know that the movie you made is changing lives.” “Thank you for creating an avenue to open this level of conversation about a prevalent and yet taboo subject.”

————————–

Please share your story about the way Someday Melissa has impacted you!!!!
~Judy

From beginning to end, the streets were lined with spectators yelling encouragement to the runners as they passed by. Music blared, people waved signs, children jumped up and down with excitement. Some were there to root on someone they knew but most of us were there shouting our support to strangers, applauding their incredible effort. We all got into the spirit of the day, cheering loudly, yelling and encouraging them in their quest. The excitement was infectious.

Runners had come from around the country and across the globe and many had written their names on their shirts. I began to feel a personal connection as I shouted encouragement to Paulo, Erik, Birthe, Anthony, Susan and countless others. There were solo runners, small groups and large groups. Tall, short, young and old. Every size and shape.

I was standing on 1^st Ave. and 88^th St., at about mile 18 of the 26.2 mile race.  We marveled at how fresh some of  the runners seemed, as if they had just begun the race and hadn’t already run from Staten Island, through  Brooklyn and Queens and up 30 blocks on the east side of Manhattan.  They still had to make it to the Bronx before heading down 5^th Avenue to the finish line in Central Park. NYC Marathon Course. Some runners were showing signs of the miles they’d already run – limping, clutching a cramped side, sweating.  Yet there was such determination on their faces.  A belief that they would finish the race.

A new course record was set yesterday by Geoffrey Mutai of Kenya when he finished the race in 2 hours, 5 minutes, 6 seconds.  Incredible. Amazing.  But guess what?  He ran the race exactly the same way as the 50th runner to cross the line, or the 100th, or the 1,000th.

The road to recovery from ED is achieved the same way.

ONE STEP AT A TIME.

~ Judy